I dont air out our dirty laundry for anyone else to see, especially when it comes to sex. The world is bad enough with mean enough people, you dont need your team mate trash talking you too. Honestly, I don't know if I'd be able to get past never being able to trust her with personal stuff again. To at least one person. I'm sorry. Ive been with my partner for 5 years. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. If you can't own up to what you're doing in the bedroom, you aren't mature enough to be doing it. Same! This is divorce worthy. If, she cannot part with them, I would part with her. That's a major issue in my eyes at least. Normally I'd say you have to share it but I'm not sure what that looks like. I would never be able to sleep with my wife again but OP might be better than me. How? How could you ever trust this person again. Most people will say bi/lesbian women are "ok" because it's "hot" (I've been told that), and will see bi/gay men as an atrocity just because it's men with other men. I would be so freaking upset & sad. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, buy filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. Emasculated. About everything. Divorce may be an end result. The only talking I'd be doing at that point would be discussing how she wants to split custody. I dunno, this feels like a day time drama and not a real story! Do you actually believe that she didn't have any agency? It was a low blow, but fuck that shit. Regardless, hilarious. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. It may actually be useful separating your real friends from the judgemental ones. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. The only reason you know of this disrespect is because you accidentally heard them saying stuff behind your back? Thank you. Allow yourself to feel all of your emotions and really process them before jumping into heavy discussion with her. Best of luck. Right? Being shitty is easy, being a good person is too Clearly choices have been made. She told them deeply personal stuff about your sex life. That's a MASSIVE breach of trust and decency, while you want to make it about him snooping? And highlight that she prioritized her friendships over your feelings. Good luck! The guy was asking her if she'd told me about them being together in the past. Let's give your wife the benefit of the doubt for a moment. If that partner had outed me to anyone, I would have never been able to trust them again. My worst mistake was not breaking up right away. And if they give you a hard time, then fuck em! Doesn't really sound wonderful to me if she can out private details like that so easily. Your wife said that she accidently let slip two years ago you were bi. Itll be hurtful to both of you for a long time and you probably both need therapy but if you truly do love each other, itll be worth it. Only one thing to do in this situation. HER?! If she did "accidentally" let it slip that you're bi, why did she continue talking with them about your sexuality in any context? However you talk shit no doubt with your friends you would probably never want her to hearbwe can all be thoughtless assholes from time to time She chose you I'm not saying you overreacted must off been devastating to hear but it sounds like overall you guys have a good and loving relationship unless you are truly broken by this you need to talk and work out where you are now and whether this is repairable or not situation. You must not lose faith in humanity. And what the fuck do you expect?? Lol see. Or even a long drive. How would she feel if she overheard this? Thirdly, those friends have got to GO. Names have been changed. Sounds like shes really sorry. Listen, Ive been a shit-faced alcoholic in my early 20s. My fears were confirmed she'd been talking to him for a good while. It's the typical "I'm in a perfect relationship but I overheard something that nobody would ever say out loud knowing I'm in the other room" scenario that gets done all of the time on here. she also choose to make fun of you to her friends instead of standing up for you. She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. There is now a before and an after in your marriage. I feel for you and wish you the best. Maybe things that we say passively just to get our friends to laugh and joke, but arent meant to be taken seriously. I thanked him. Maybe your wife didnt feel comfortable telling her friends that she enjoyed herself because she didnt want to be judged. She hurt you fucking badly. You need a therapist to help you process what you're feeling, you need to process that in your time and she needs to fucking wait for you to do it if she really cares about you. Im scrolling Reddit at night because its an escape from my own personal issues, so I might not be connecting some dots. It just seems like shes ashamed of it an projecting. Give your best anyway. Kids do the joking crap and make fun of boyfriends, not decent women. I'm sorry you're going through this but your wife is such a shit person man. Third, it is really nobody's business if you are Bi, and nobody should care about it anyway. I'm not sure how to help you, but your wife needs better friends. Ebony milf with big tits, shaking young boy's cock in rough modes 06:00. No. As in, never talk to them again. She shouldnt care what others think of her or you, let alone talk about you negatively behind your back. i think you do need to consider the idea that it probably was indeed just girl talk, same as when guys just chat shit together. So no being friends with intolerant halfwits, and no more alcohol. THAT is a stand up friend. Notice how she doubled down instead of being ashamed or saying that's not a subject for discussion? Who actually believes these? Bisexuality is valid. Honestly the only advice I have is to go for that beer with your friend, he seems to be the only one in the situation treating you decently. Unfortunately as long as there are homophobic people out there, there is potential to damage his reputation. It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and most people are not. Your wife needs some new friends. Prepare to be known as 'that guy who is really sensitive about his sexuality". If that isn't true, she should dump the friends because no one should have to feel like they have to validate themselves in a relationship to those they trust. Beer runs out so I head inside to grab more. Im a bisexual guy, I like guys strictly sexually. Im healthy and fit, exercise frequently and eat well, so that kind excludes most physiological causes. She destroyed your trust, and trust takes a long time to repair. There were 3 friends with her. You took that better than I would have. Im a masculine male with a bit of a cocky arrogance to me and I feel like all my confidence is gone. Judging from what is written it seems that shes as much into it as he is, she needs to be real about that. Best thing to do is give it some time. Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. This will help no matter what you decide. Yeah. Must feel betrayed and really hurt. OP, be worried that you're married to someone willing to lie about how they feel about you to have a better image for their friend group. If this is a hurdle you feel like you cant get past, then work on it. If yes then walk and bear the burdens of the breakup, but if you think you together are worth saving, then do something to sort out the issues and move beyond it. But she's obviously done it before - all her friends knew it was okay to discuss and laugh about while she joked about letting him do "gay" stuff while she fantasies about other men. My life would have been infinitely better if my parents didnt do that shit. And regarding the "I let it slip while drunk" part, she's still responsible for her acts while drunk. First let me say your SO is the fucking worst in my humble opinion. We have good jobs that the pandemic didnt effect too much. A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. But then she says.the only hurdle I had to get past with (me) was.well, you guys know.they all were kinda like mhmm as if to affirm they knew what she was talking about. Thats something she and you will have to work on because she shouldnt be embarrassed of it, but at the same time I kind of understand how she can buckle under the pressure of her friends opinions. There are plenty things I could talk about my girlfriend and make fun of her for it to my mates, but I dont because what happens between us stays between us. She may actually not understand your bisexuality because its been something she said shes fine with but never actually confronted. Same. I am a very chill guy. So does she. It's not cool she didn't. It's mainly drunk talk and a bit of peer pressure getting to your wife and she clearly regrets it We all make mistakes sometimes but this is how you grow as a couple! How I interpret you feel: she betrayed your trust, she shared your private life, and then made fun of it. You are going to have to shrug this off but your not overacting. She said that was why she made the comment about thinking about Tom during some things we do sexually because she felt they were judging her for being with me. You're definitely overreacting but to a strange set of circumstances. Right I mean she volunteered stuff when she could have kept her mouth shut. Her to like the same shit you go?? I was hurt when I found out he had outed me to a couple of friends while bragging about some of our exploits, and he apologetically told me the day he did it because it just slipped out during bro time reading your story made my stomach churn. She does have a right to talk to you about it, and you with her. Good luck mate I hope you're able to get through this with no drama. Youre delusional. She put you down at your own house. Repeat offenders shouldnt get second chances and neither should first time ones. You're married to the person who should MOST be on your side and she has completely betrayed you for a fucking laugh. Go for a hike, go to a movie, whatever. Just shows she has no loyalty. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! Maybe suggest that. The only thing I can think is that she didnt want you to worry or feel badly about itbut its an important thing I would want mentioned to me (an ex sniffing around and trying to get back together with my boyfriend). People aren't accepting where I live either. Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). Ugh. Wow dude, that sucks and I feel bad for you. I haven't gotten through this personally, however, I would suggest marriage counseling if you stay with her. This has obviously been a topic of conversation for a couple years and she never bothered to tell him about outing him, instead laughing about their sex life and needing to fantasize about other men while leaving him in the dark. It's tough but I would stay just for the kids. Yeah Id be pissed about the betrayal of trust. Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do Finding this out, I personally dont know if I could get past it. There is nothing worse than feeling betrayed by the one person you thought you could trust with anything. Yeah, I'm a married woman. Also arrange some couple counseling and talk it all through. Its fucked up to add that to a conversation just to pile on and humiliate her own husband. It mattered not, the day was mine. No real worries there. Personally I think you handled as well as could be expected - what with confronting the issue right away and pulling consequences for her violating your very personal boundary/secret. How long has she been friends with them? Dont let your wifes shitty behavior ruin your confidence and self worth. Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. ", I doubt he cares about that, its mostly that his wife was saying all of those things behind his back but she acts like she likes it to him. Fucking judgemental pieces of shit. If alcohol was involved the first time she told them, maybe she was talking about it because she wanted to get a read on how her friends would react. Unless they're all like that and she's just throwing a couple out for a meat shield, like she did with you. She betrayed your trust, and she makes fun of your sexuality to her friends? Best of luck with whatever you decide! That's plain shitty. Based on the way she acts in private i would think you are right in your opinion. Maybe. Or do you think Ive misunderstood? Seems like part of the issue here is how ashamed you are of your own sexuality. We were chatting in my kitchen (we own a two family house) and her boyfriend was eavesdropping at the connecting door. A Young Boy Hires Prostitute For One Hour 42:46. Sounds like she cares more about what her friends think than how you feel. Are there no angry bi men who look like grocery store managers? They had quiet music playing and were talking amongst themselves. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. She did not need to provide more information. I hope you can work it out. But I also feel like it's a betrayal you can come back from. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. My only advice is to give it time. No pun intended. She NEVER told me this. The fact she cares more about her homophobic friends opinions of her than her relationship with her partner says a lot. While true, sometimes people just want to fit in. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. 1.) Has anyone gone through anything similar? "My. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. People are often unreasonable and self-centered. I'd also put the missus on a yellow card and ask her to be more honest about the Tom thing; the fact he treated her badly and you're the opposite must be a good factor in staying together. This doesnt excuse anything. Reading it, it definitely felt like she was saying stuff to fit in with judgy friends. Your sex life sounds amazing. Winston Churchill She violated a boundary. Ugh. I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. You think youre slick enough to hide the resentment and anger but youre not. Fourth, (and this is a guess) given that your wife has some judgemental friends, she is probably just talking some crap that she does not necessarily mean. Whats the point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you can't have ALL of trust, loyalty, and respect. Id say therapy but honestly no, she knows she fucked up and instead of standing up for you, let it happen. Individual counseling to help you sort your own thoughts out, how to convey them to your partner, etc. I was so suprised how she talked about me to her friends and family..and when I confronted her I had the evidence. Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. Most people in the comments seem to be going off of the deep end here. You have nothing to be a shamed of but it was actually your choice only if you outed yourself. Its inappropriate her friends would gush over her ex with her (a married woman): I dont want to hear anyone talking up some guy I used to date while Im with someone else. From everything, the most painful one was when exposition. How much more reassurance do you need? Author Hazel McBride claimed that she's so "average-looking" that she feels uneasy around her more handsome husband in a now-viral TikTok. I have one person I talk to sometimes about my gf. I'm conflicted because a lot of men talk about other women,wives,guys etc like that to seem tough and shit, but when a woman says it it makes it the end of the world? You can be understanding of her error, but she has to build up trust back with you. b- for creative writing, but this is total BS. You should seek marriage counseling after this. Birds of a feather flock together. i would like to add a partner should never ever make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your sexuality. What else is she keeping from OP? Here are some examples: I know you and I have different views on sexuality, but I love my husband and will not stand to hear him be talked about in this manner., My husband is not gay, please stop insinuating he is. subject change, Yeah, I dont think thats funny. (Or just not laughing and keeping a stone cold face until the others get uncomfortable), Thats actually not your business, lets talk about something else., I am uncomfortable talking about this, lets talk about something else., Your wife gave into the toxicity of her friends and that doesnt make her a better person for it even if she really doesnt think that way. She needs to know that what she did was hurtful and unacceptable, and you deserve an apology not only from her, but from her fucking idiot friends too. It sounds like shes remorseful. You heard the truth when she was talking to her friends, about your private life, without your knowledge. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. Partners that demand that have no respect for you. Take your time, make sure you heal on your timeline not hers. Ha fucking ha. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. When the "friends" make their snide comments, she should be backing you up, not joining in. This is the lesson: never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never -- in nothing, great or small, large or petty -- never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. My dad was bisexual and if I heard my mother saying shit like that about him Id be livid. Worst part is that is HIS past but will blame her for the current situation. I think that you need a good week to try and think about how you feel, how you're going to be able to contain the gossip and how you move forward with the wife . If I were OP, the answer to this would play a big part in how/whether I wanted to proceed in the relationship. The whole oh I was just really drunk excuse for any stupid decision is pure bullshit. Best of luck. Kidding aside. Whoa. Are those things outweighed by her indiscrete talking (and her judgemental friends). Thats some boomer logic about the sex binary of gay/straight. I will always defend my guy. Do those stupid things include degrading your bisexual SO to friends with homophobic views? I could only imagine how crap you feel right now. Drunk or not, does not excuse their unwarranted behaviour. She seems like a good egg caught in a bad moment however. Her friends have always been cool to me. Which is obviously shit because she's willing to throw you to the wolves, but not admit her fun time with you. Your wife is all kinds of an AH here. It was never between you and them anyway. Although, bi men have it way worse. She's just shown you that you can't trust her with your sexuality. If Tom popped back into the picture at any point, Id have told my partner what happened. Hopefully, she falls into a better crowd that is modern and accepting. If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. Soooo. This opens up two main issues, and a third tangential one, as follows: In the first scenario: She crossed a boundary and (un)consiously violated your trust. Seems like she might have played along a little too much to sound cool to her friends. Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. You need to tell her how this has made you feel and how hurt you are by it. Your wife betrayed your trust, and knowingly let her friends make homophobic comments. You both need to get in front of a good counselors and dig in. Don't go silent on her. Do good anyway. She buys all kinds of outfits and toys without me even suggesting it! . I would DIE if my husband mocked me being bi like your wife did. If she truly care about your feelings, she would not have put you down to make herself look and feel better. If you feel this can be fixed, try couples counseling, but honestly I only see this ending one way. They are not good people (homophobes are not good people), and they don't give a shit about you or your relationship with her. This wasn't the first time - no one but him was shocked and all the friends knew it was safe to joke about. That should have been end of story then and there. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. You are NOT overreacting. The real question on my mind is why is she friends with people who belittle you for your sexuality? We have 2 amazing kids. Period.. Acknowledge what you are going through sucks, don't judge it, & tell yourself the following: this is temporary. Only point I wanted to make: it doesnt have to be one or the other. Women talk shit to each other just as much as men do. Trust is one of those things that simply cannot be regained when broken. And sometimes its nice to vent about the small stuff and have close friends relate to you and help you feel youre not alone. I can give you the exact number of people's secrets I have revealed while drunk Is fucking zero. Peter Bridgens, 72, from Birmingham, started his tattoo suit at the age of 36 and took him My suggestion? This is a huge betrayal and should not be minimised by either of you. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. I could never trust what to believe again. So what you should do? No matter how stupid, stupid turnt I got, I would NEVER be in a state of mind to let such a personal, private thing slip out. Did she give me advice? Agreed! How you deal with this will depend on how you two communicate about it. I'd be crushed if I heard my wife's friend's say something like that, and then she just hangs me out to dry instead of standing up for me. Why does she feel the need to show off to her friends in a way that makes them think less of you? Is going to take a very long time to fix such fuckery. Any other friends you have in common likely know. This was really jarring. I know from experience when you say Ill kinds of shit and they say whatever makes your friends happy or agree especially if youre drinking and they all laugh about it I believe your wife really does love you but she needs to stand up for you with your friends and those friends arent real friends so they have no business in your home do you need some serious counseling for your children sake. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. Don't fight. I'm glad she apologized. Just want to say the other husband is a stand up guy. Id be worried he was sleeping with his friends and Id be scared of what he asked me to do in the bedroom they all giggled.i was FLOORED. Whats going to happen if your kids turn out to be not straight or not Cis? He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. You need to accept yourself for who you are. A marriage counselor should probably be your first step. Also, she doesn't like your sex life. Yeah, all of those things are a painful betrayal. I agree with this comment as a bi person! She not only outed him, but this obviously wasn't the first time they've discussed this. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. Clearly and simply. From one bi to another, I'm sorry you had to go through this, it's a bisexual's nightmare scenario to hear your long-term partner say this kind of shit. Not only that, but she didn't admit to him that she had done it when she sobered up. OP-the one man who reached out to you, I feel he is a solid individual and have to give You major points to talking with him. My husband is also bi, and I would never mock his sexuality like that. Nothing really, it's all been said, nothing can change it. Like who knows what other shitty conversations she participated in, especially since this isn't the first time they've expressed this kind of thinking. She should immediately be defending you if they're bigots and jerks about your sexuality. She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. This is NOT on her timeline anymore. Also sound out the wives who weren't judgemental and ask their opinions. Id also like to see those fun-o-phobes pack their bags and get out of your wifes life. Im one of the long time married people commenting in this sub. This seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I kind of agree with you. Look beyond her faux Pas and look at the positives and what you enjoy. The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams. Wow dude. It sounds like you have a wife who loves you but is a social coward so afraid of opinions that she tried to hide that it ever happened in hopes no one would find out. He said if i wanna get together for a drink or whatever to let him know. 3) Gossiping about your private life and using it as entertainment for her friends is a huge betrayal. There is no combination of words that will make all this just go away. Life is transient. I also really dont like how shes the one who initiates/etc yet was making fun of it?? That is why we married each other. Very much agree with this person right here. Your lifestyle is yours and no one has the right to question it, not even your family nor your friends for as long as nobody's put in harms way! She's painting an imaginary picture for these "friends" with absolutely no regard to the feelings of the person she's supposed to love & care for. To her, you're the butt of the joke. I would just ask why her friends opinions matter more than yous twos intimacy. Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". She outed you to your group of friends without asking you about it. Thats the shittiest advice you could give someone. Im not at all saying you were wrong to stay and listen and your feelings are VALID. So (and this is where your perception of the relationship comes in) you have to determine whether she was going with the flow of the conversation or whether she does actually have an issue with that. No true friend will stab you in the back. These ones sound terrible. She didn't have your back and she put friendship with assholes over her partner in life. She criticized him and tried to get me to break up with him. I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. I started putting a voice recorder in my wife's car after u caught her cheating. She sounded way too comfortable with what she was saying (based on OP's description. Shitty situation man. Are you being a bit harsh? Decide what you need to keep the relation ship going. I have no advice but as a fellow bi, my condolences. She needs to take responsibility for it and how it made you feel. Fourthly, buy that man a beer. One of the guys who was there called me and I answered. How this going to help him after he become joke to everyone he know !!!! I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. Divorce. Your partner in crime fucked up. And can think clearly. You can't act if you don't know how you feel. That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. It was a private part of your life that you trusted her with. One of the things they dont tell you about relationships is that you gotta be able to stand up for your SO when the time comesso even if OPs wife doesnt actually believe all that and bent to peer pressure, that really sucks and Im sorry she feels that way with her friends, but she shouldnt be surprised if she loses her husband. Her to never talk to her friends?? She violated your trust in one of the worst possible ways and there really isn't any way to walk it back, The thing that sucks the most is that now that there was a blowupthose judgmental friends who she told about your sexualitywill be running their mouths to all their other friends and coworkers and more and more people will be told something you never wanted shared. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. Not to mention she outed him and didn't even come clean and let him know, instead allowed the jokes to flow for a couple years - that's pretty unforgivable. I was pooping and you helped me push from laughing so hard. You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. Feelings are VALID huge betrayal comfortable with what she was saying stuff to fit in know!... 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Did with you that she did n't have any agency of outfits and toys without me even it. Sucks and I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the issue here is how ashamed are. Emotions and really process them before jumping into heavy discussion with her life would have never been able get... The part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her friends family. Throwing a couple of children and a good while n't know if I heard my saying... Is one of the long time married people commenting in this sub do know! If they 're all like that and she didnt mean anything drunk or not Cis most painful was... Talk shit to each other just as much as men do you cant past! Apologizing and saying she loves me and I answered sometimes its nice to vent about the sex of. Fixed, try couples counseling, but she has to build up trust back with you if... To grab more a bad moment however all been said, nothing can it... To laugh and joke, but this obviously was n't the first time 've. Sleep with my wife 's car after u caught her cheating work on.... Of agree with this will depend on how you two communicate about it.! Men who look like grocery store managers she acts like its a close between. Into words the relation ship going only imagine how crap you feel youre not together in the loop believe. N'T have anything else to say the other husband is a stand up guy thought could! Point in being in relationship, in a marriage if you stay of... And talk it all through normally I 'd say you have calmed down with my wife said she... Is, she would not have put you down to make fun of you she up! Time to fix such fuckery about your feelings, she can not part with her 'm!